Random Thoughts From A Weekend Of Sports Television

-The Opening Ceremonies for the Olympics were insane. There's no other country in the world that could have put on a show like that; no one else has either a)the discipline or b)the man power the Chinese have. Favorite part: the tai chi segment. As someone who's tried (and failed) to get 75 people to line up and create coherent formations, seeing 2,008 people do it near flawlessly was crazy impressive. Least favorite part (aside from hearing Bob Costas and Matt Lauer give ridiculous factoids about countries no one can find on a map): the torch lighting. I know, I know, it was pretty cool to see the guy get hoisted up to the top of the stadium and all, but did he really have to run around the whole damn thing? By the time he got all the way around, the actual lighting was kind of anticlimactic.

-The Reds suck.

-Fuck the French. The men's 4X100 meter freestyle relay final was absolutely incredible. If Michael Phelps goes on and wins 8 gold medals and gets that million dollar check from Visa, I hope he sends a good chunk of it to Jason Lezak. For about 375 meters, I was looking pretty good on my call that one of the relays would end Phelps's quest for 8 golds. And I'm glad I was wrong (at least on this one), especially after hearing the smack talk from the French (specifically from the guy that choked away the race at the end). Haven't there been enough examples, particularly in sports, of guys having to eat crow because they couldn't back it up when the time came? Fuck Alain Bernard. He deserved to lose that race, in that way, with him being the goat.

-I really like watching volleyball. Sure, everyone loves (women's) beach volleyball, but I've been getting into the indoor game as well (and if you watching for the, uh, talent- Puddin', I'm looking at you- check out Logan Tom; the camera loves her, and with good reason). I knew a guy back in Virginia, who we'll call Game Genie, that always sang the praises of volleyball (only guy I knew that played in volleyball rec leagues and such); I think I'm beginning to catch on. Love the beach volleyball, but I'm going to try and catch some more of indoor as well.

-Brock Lesner impressed me a little. I don't think he was great, but he was better than I expected. Granted, I wasn't expecting much, given how he lost his first match, but he fared better against Herring than I thought he would (in that he won the match by decision). Also thought GSP would've ended the fight before it went the distance. But I'm still learning the MMA world.

-Koreans are good at shooting things, particularly arrows. If there's such as thing as an archery powerhouse, South Korea is it.

-Speaking of Koreans, big ups to Park Taehwan for winning the country's first ever swimming medal, and for it to be gold. Dude's like 18 or 19 and he'll never have to pay for anything ever again back in Korea. I know he's young, but he needs to retire NOW and open up a swimming academy in Seoul. In terms of competition, there's no where to go but down for this kid; this is one case where I say quit while you're ahead and rest on these laurels for the rest of your life.

-The Reds suck big time.

-Melissa Stark, still hot. I think people forget that she was Erin Andrews before Erin Andrews was Erin Andrews (I'll leave it to Puddin' for the side-by-side picture analysis). And when it comes down to it, I'll take the fellow Wahoo (Stark) over the Florida Gator (Andrews). [Edit: Puddin' comes through, as I knew he would. Head over to Dollar Hot Dogs and cast your vote for history!]

-What the fuck is Cris Collinsworth doing in Beijing?

-Favorite Bob Costas moment thus far: after Mary Carillo showed a piece on a Chinese acrobat school, Bob said something to the effect of: [facing Mary] "Great story, Mary, thanks for stopping by... [turns to face camera]... as if she just dropped in to, 'Hi.'"

-I don't like gymnastics, but I will watch the still rings (men) and the balance beam (women) because no matter how many times I see them, it still amazes me that any human could perform those tricks. I know that to be an elite gymnast you have to have an incredible amount of strength and athleticism, but in my mind, these two events are just beyond the realm human ability.

-Tiger who? What a finish to the PGA Championship. I hope people don't end up labeling Padrig Harrington the "Houston Rockets of golf" because these last two majors have come with Woods on the sidelines; remember, he won the '07 Open Championship with Tiger in the field, so he's beaten him. The putts he made on 16, 17, and 18 were crazy. Tiger-esque, if you will. He's easily the favorite going into Augusta next year. As for Sergio ("You know Sergio?!"), I do think he'll eventually win a major. Step one is flat out not playing well in majors, step two is gut-wrenching loses (see: Mickelson, Phil). With this loss and last year's Open Championship, Sergio's only on step two.

-And speaking of Phil, he had a great line of commercials for Crowne Plaza Hotels and Resorts during the PGA, best of which was this one:



That just about covers the weekend. Still got 2 weeks of Olympic coverage- great way to distract me from the epic fail that is the Reds. And from preseason football. Hate preseason football.