Nine Years. Two Days. It Never Really Goes Away.

I don't like to think about death. Anyway you spin it, its sad and its painful. Its something I never thought I'd write about here, that's for sure. But this week in particular, its tough for me not think about it. Nine years ago this week, my friend Mike Benson passed away (the quote in my profile, about the "entirely too large Asian"- that came from Mike). The end of June always brings back thoughts of Mike, and with the news of another friend's passing over the weekend, sometimes, it can be too much.

I can't believe its been nine years. I think about all that's happened since then, and 1999 seems like a lifetime ago. I caught some of VH1's "I Love the New Millennium" last night (big mistake), and in between snarky reviews of pop culture in 2000 and 2001, I was once again astounded at how fast time goes by.

Nine years.

Red: Jesus, when you say it like that...
Andy: You wonder where it went.

I try and avoid the "what if's?", but its impossible. Mike was one of our best friends, and his loss was so sudden and so jarring, I can't help but think "what if?". We'd have a Michigan grad among our ranks, which would've gone nicely to balance out all the Buckeye's we seem to have (and given us endless entertainment with the mention of "Appalachian State"). We'd also have the most left political viewpoint of the group; I'd be interested to hear his opinion on President Bush (the debacle of an election that was 2000 would have probably sent him into an Exorcist-style cursing/vomiting/head-spinning situation). We would've seen his inner fair-weather Tigers fan emerge in 2006 when they made the World Series and then go back into hiding after their hideous 2008 start.

But I can only go down that path for so long before reality sets in. Mike's never going to get to do those things, and the only consolation I take from that is that I think everyone's got a plan and purpose in life, and he just wasn't meant to be here at this time. He's gone not because of some random act, but because it was his time to go as part of something larger. I don't know if that's true, or if I even fully believe it, but it helps. Nine years later, it still helps. And it helps now, two days later, with Jess.

Much love to Bob and Rosalyn, and my brothers at X, and to Nora, her family, and the extended TA-WVFCI/OP(?)MPB&CSR,U!! family. Take care of yourselves.

Red: Those of us who knew him best talk about him often. I swear the stuff he pulled. Sometimes it makes me sad, though, Andy being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend.